finished a new song friday night... (i should figure out how to link mp3's here so i can post music as i get it done)
went to the "Sno-Core Icicle Ball" at the Warfield on saturday night. Saul Williams, Blackalicious, Ozomatli, Karl Denson's Tiny Universe. it was super... one of the highlights for me was seeing MC Radioactive, who did human beatboxing with Saul. so astounding! made me want to learn how to beatbox. sadly, it would probably just not be... um, the same... for a white girl like me to do it. also, at the end of their set, all 10 or so band members of ozomatli jumped off the stage and played in the middle of the crowd. sooo much energy!!!
sunday i went to see STOMP in the city for a friends birthday party. i've seen it before and I LOVE IT. the mind-blowing rhythms get me high. plus we had front row center seats so it was loud and messy and awesome. opens my mind up to so many possibilities for instruments and percussion... tres exciting!
tomorrow night i'm going to see the Scratch tour live show at the Fillmore. there are a LOT of shows coming up that i'm really looking forward to attending. i enjoy going for the inspiration they provide and also for just being able to dance and have a carefree good time.
...and speaking of dancing, i FINALLY called my old dance instructor earlier in the evening and arranged to start dancing with him again. hooray, i can't wait!
today i started my new job as "lead hostess" at a restaurant downtown. i like it so far... i like the place and i like my uniform and i like the different-ness of the whole thing to the type of work i've always done in the past. i think it will be refreshing... a nice, temporary means of saving up some $ for the travels...
i stopped in at a used bookstore after i got off work. the place was really ghetto and smelled like musty old paper and was ridiculously messy and packed from floor to ceiling with miscellaneous literature and records. only a few quaintly handwritten signs were posted to show categories. there were spiderwebs and the warped wooden floorboards creaked loudly. i got to pet a kitty-cat that was following me and meowing at me through the store... as i browsed through piles of intriguing titles and marveled at the decrepit old books. fuck barnes & noble - i thought the place was fantastic! i bought 4 books and chatted up the eccentric old fellow who works there and found out his story and all about the place. turns out it's one of the oldest shops in the whole city and his father and grandfather worked there... and he doesn't need the money at all because he owns the whole building, but he does it as a passion. i totally dig stuff like that! so i told him i'm now working at the restaurant around the corner and to come by... and i offered to make him new signs.
...ok, enough of linear, objective descriptions of daily events...
~
i been thinkin'...
since i became a teenager, i think, i've had a funny paranoia of growing older... feeling "old" and worrying that time is running out, etc. quite silly considering it was just last year that i was the legal drinking age. but getting older has been something i've really resisted... and i think it has something to do with my idealism and overambitiousness and too-high standards and such.
so, within the past couple of days, my perspective has shifted. i'm now really looking forward to maturing as time passes ~ gaining comfort and confidence and stability and calmness. i'm getting painfully aware of the volatile intensity and tension of my youth. i admire the general mellowness and security of my elders.
i know all phases of the process are valuable and necessary... and it seems that at least perhaps all my foolishness and fancy is a breeding-ground for new ideas... collecting sparks that will carry me forward, creatively. but sometimes i catch myself thinking, "oh won't it be great to have (this or that) realization"... and i wonder, if i'm having that thought, perhaps i already have the wisdom and knowlege to apply it in life... but just lack the courage to change?
i want to work on this. ...and i suppose it's all about experience and forward motion and progress... i hope to someday be a chilled-out but still passionate, certain but still searching, real but imaginative, accomplished, joyful lady who always helps those around her and is basically just full of lovely vibes and inspiration...
until then, please bear with me, people!