01.10.2002 2:29 am
been thinking about boys. mmm...

so, for a while I've basically placed a "do not disturb" sign around my neck with regards to relationships and stuff. i'd gotten tired of compromising my integrity by going out with people who weren't who i really wanted to be with, giving away my energy by focusing on being who the other person needed me to be, and leaving myself empty because i could only engage one fraction of who i was. enough of all that was definitely a correct decision.

but now... after the world has turned a bit and suns and moons have passed... i am thinking about boys again. i miss romance and the creativity of it. i miss cooking dinner, going for drives to nowhere in particular, staying up all night, and contentedly lounging around all day in bed with a beloved boy. i miss boy hair and boy skin and boy lips...

but i hold out for a "right" one. for i don't need one, i want one. someone who connects with all of my facets. someone who i can give to from all of who i am. someone who i delight in discovering and uncovering all of... like an endless, funny, profound, yummy book...

i will be ready for such a relationship. and i really look forward to it...

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