i opened my bedroom window next to my bed to let the cold current of night air flow over me, hoping that in the confluence of oxygen & pain some sort of magical erasure would take place... however, it's only served to speed up my thoughts (and make my typing fingers shake even more). in fact, i remember from a documentary about stephen hawking that he always keeps his window open, even in the chilly cambridge winter, as the cold helps him think better...
anyway, this has been a really bad one... a vision-impaired, throwing-up, head-hurts-so-much-i-cry one. i was reminded of paul d. miller.. talking about density.. the density of the moment. the relentlessly constant ache feels like the gravity and mass of the planet gone wrong on me... i find myself doing strange mental exercises like trying to increase the area of my "space" so the pain isn't so concentrated... which probably makes no sense at all...
well right now i just feel like i have a bad hangover. finally taking "excedrin-brand migraine" pills, i have been numbed down a bit. i just wish i could sleep. it is times like these when the energy which keeps me up until dawn many nights (doing fun things) feels like a burden. i have these "energy" vitamins here that are supposed to be taken when one "needs more energy" and i haven't taken a single one... i seem to have an unending source of it. but for the time-being, o sweet lordy, let me rest... guh