what happens when you fantasize about something you want to happen... and then life delivers it to you, hits you with it beyond your wildest expectations... as if to say, "ha! now what are you going to do with this?!"
what happens after you've admired someone famous from afar as an idol of sorts... and then you not only meet them but they end up reaching back to you... and you find yourself speaking the words to them, "no, sorry i really must go..."
...and on the very same monitor you've stared at for countless hours while obsessively reading their words, interviews, listening to their sounds, wondering at all they've thought, produced, accomplished... their name now sits in your little hotmail inbox...
surreal
your world feels smaller, somehow... closer together...
ends meet...
you feel, again, rather like alice in a delerious wonderland...
...and back in your little house in suburbia, eating oatmeal at your kitchen table... the memories of the past 48 hours flicker through your still-spinning head: an auditorium, a couch in a lounge in dusk light, korean signs, city lights, faces peering across tables, the intoxicating scent of flowers on the night air, the glowing house in the hills, wandering through strangers, a look in his eyes, the feel of lips against lips, smooth skin, the dark hotel room, the bright morning sun in your friend's apartment as you wake up wondering what has been a dream, gazing at the rollercoasters on the pier of the santa monica beach, sun on your relaxed body, the wonderful sound of friends' laughter, how good it feels to smile and giggle, sand in your hair, the endless miles of freeway and fields and hills as the day turns into night, returning home...
so much to process...
you re-evaluate your intentions...
you re-evaluate your desires...
you examine what you have to give, to offer, to create...
...and you think, 'what now?'
'where do i go from here?'