writing, as a medium for expressing my emotions, just ain't working for me these days. it never has, really. when i try and describe happiness, i think it sounds cheesy. when i describe frustration or sadness, i'm afraid it sounds trite or lame.
i can write a school paper or discuss concepts, but when it comes to expressing emotions and subjective thoughts, finding words feels like banging my head against a wall. they never capture me and they just leave me squirming and frustrated. i am in total admiration of those who are gifted with an ability to write about and articulate inner states. when i get inspired by them, my attempts come out shit.
emotions are in constant flux... they are fluid. and when i clumsily try to ascribe and pin words to them, it feels limiting and inaccurate.
i actually do a lot of writing. i regularly cover pages of my sketchbook while i'm working or in school or whenever... just kind of taking notes on the running thoughts and feelings in my head. but if i were to place those notes here, they would appear "encoded" and self-indulgent... and i'm usually unmotivated to flesh them out and explain them.
sometimes i question my purposes for this online diary thingie. when i place ideas in it, its useful to my thought-process and i occasionally enjoy sometimes looking back on the past (like it's a time capsule), but i usually hold in doubt 1) others' interest, and 2) why i'd talk about art stuff i have ideas for, rather than just showing it when i'm done - in other words, why not only show things.
i wish i could capture abstract thoughts in poetry or prose without sounding silly or pretentious, but i just can't swing it! as i've always gravitated more towards art and music, i'm gonna stick with them and only write when the spirit (or "inner radio") moves me.
so, i think from now on "aesthesia" is gonna be more show than tell...
(it will help if i can figure out where else to store images, too, as i'm almost out of space...)
additionally, i think i should never take myself very seriously.