04.17.2002 12:02 am
today i'm at soaring heights of this roller-coaster life. seems like the lower the dip, the higher the crest, the more exhilarating the ride...

the oscillations widen and intensify as they flow forth.

(oooh, the analogy just expanded in my mind into a whole visual sequence... words defy these concepts)

i've had an awesome day. the whole past week has been pretty amazing... and before then... just everything leading up to the present moment and all leading into the future. unfolding. i am forever entranced and captivated by the way things grow, change, progress, metamorphose... the patterns of it all. because that's what everything in the physical universe is - perpetual motion, constant flux... the world of "becoming". (and that's actually why still art and 2-dimensional art is insufficient for me...)

so, i had some major breakthroughs last week. to describe the magnitude of these epiphanies to readers would require a lot of background information... so i'll pretty much just leave the specifics to my notebook (in which i've been writing tomes). but basically, they've resulted in a certain awakening... a revitalization of purpose and direction. sometimes i feel like i drift off into distractions and reveries and forget what i'm about and what i'm doing with this life. then something snaps me back and reminds me of it again... like that one scene in "labyrinth" after the girl has been led into that fake reconstruction of her bedroom and she suddenly remembers the quest that she's actually on.

i feel sooo much stronger and alive again. so i've been far more productive. so i've been energized. so i've gotten even more done. it's that upward spiral.

i've had some incredible conversations with both of my parents recently. without going into all the details... they were just really fucking good talks. i honestly feel closer with my parents and have more love for them than ever before.

i'm getting increasingly excited about my upcoming trip to italy... like, can-hardly-contain-myself-excited. i will be posting more about all that very soon...

i got back from work not too long ago... i stayed an hour after my shift and set up a whole spreadsheet system for them. i also spent a few hours last week creating some new computerized forms and stuff for them. i didn't get paid for it and didn't do it because i wanted to kiss ass. i just did it because i care and i seriously just like the feeling of contribution. so i felt really good after work tonight... and it was also serendipitous because i ended up chatting with the manager and finding out she was just in italy a couple years ago. she told me tons of info and is going to give all her travel books and maps to me. lucky!

things are just feeling all smooth lately... all right and meant-to-be.

i've also been a responsible good girl in general the past few days... taking care of things and taking care of myself. my room is clean and organized, my laundry is all done, my bills are paid, etc.

this stuff might seem mundane but it's actually quite noteworthy for me because i often sink underwater about these sorts of things. something about happiness that i've learned is that it often stems from the "practical" and "mundane" basics: relationships in good condition, duties fulfilled, posessions and environment orderly = happy. this seems totally ridiculous to me in a way, because i usually seek happiness in my head... think i'll find it in my ideas and in "figuring everything out". but no lofty ideas or philosophy or rumination actually makes me a happy person. art and philosophy are endlessly stimulating and fascinating. but just plain "happy" actually comes from the real life stuff i all-too-often dismiss. it's funny.

i feel really fucking good on all fronts right now.

i bet i'm going to fall madly in love, soon.

oh my god, i'm going to europe for 2 1/2 months and i'm leaving next week. i keep remembering this... eeeeeeee!

<< priori - posteriori >>