i had a really productive and fun weekend.
friday night i went over to Diana's house. it was like a reunion. so much has come to pass in our lives since i was last there. the collection of memories of the years when my brother lived with her, our times as "best friends", our London trip, etc. - all look so distant in my rear-view mirror. but being in that same house again and with that same girl was almost like a yardstick as to just how different things are now... appearing so transformed against the old backdrop. not only in life news... she, now getting married, moving to Portland, etc. - but just in how things felt. it was dark before... a heaviness, a submerged feeling in her presence and a drained feeling afterwards. but Friday night it was palpably lighter and brighter... she was happier and more herself than i've ever seen her. and i felt more like myself than i've ever been before. we both marveled at it... how in our own ways, we've come through the other side of some long, crazy tunnels. and we lay on her bed together and drank beer and recounted tales and giggled. meeting again, but kinda to say goodbye as we part ways - along the seperate paths we've now chosen and created. it wasn't sad... i'll see her again and all. as i left, i felt lively and good...
saturday morning, i got a bunch of music equipment together and drove up to SF to meet with Justin at his and Andie's place. he played me some songs he'd written and we worked out some arrangements and practiced with me accompanying him on violin or keyboard or guitar or backup vocals - whatever the song called for. i was blown away by his talent and the beauty of his music. i just felt right priviledged to get to work with him. and everything generally flowed and came together really easily, which was a pleasure. when Andie (who plays bass and does main backup vocals for him) got back, she sang with him on a song called "Lullaby" and we were working out parts. i can still hear her lovely voice - listening the song in my head right now... :)
when i got back home, i found out Ameena just got back in town and her family was having dinner and going out to see Austin Powers 3 (which she's actually in). they wanted me to come but it was too late, and i went off to a party...
Justin, Andie, Jenny, Adam, Tollef, Klaudia, lotsa folk from Bitnet, etc. - were all there living it up in honor of the ultra-cute Ash's birthday. i was really super glad to get to see Jenny, which was kinda the main reason i went. and i ended up surprising myself and being quite social and meeting lots of cool new people, too, like Britt... and Klaudia, who i had a long talks with outside while smoking. i had a fun time and remembered that parties are a good thing - especially with these special sorts of people.
and by the way, i'm really big on PEOPLE in general these days. i'm finding myself really loving them and being frequently touched by their coolness and beauty and creativity. i feel like i keep getting shown it... basically the goodness of humanity and how wonderous people can be. (with the exception of all obnoxious, perverted Italian & French men... heh) overall, i'm the opposite of jaded... still in that open travel-mode, i guess - and i hope i never get out of that spirit because it really is a good way to live life, i think.
so, after i got home, i talked with my eternally ambiguously-defined, non-boyfriend, "something", friend... and that was nice. guess he's gonna come down and visit next weekend. so, i didn't go to sleep until well after the sun came up...
woke up around noon, though, and cleaned this whole place i'm housesitting for. blasted some music and just did nothing but cleaning for hours. then, once that was all finished, i cleaned all the cars. then i went over to my house and cleaned my room AND organized everything, created a whole filing system and arranged all my papers and basically... everything. so i felt pretty awesome after that. i think it was the most cleaning and organizing i've ever done in one day.
i then met up with my dad and had dinner with him... and now here i am. i'm feeling more "together" than i can ever really remember feeling before. it's sorta strange, but of course very good. everything is sorted. and i have this great new job. and exciting music projects. and wonderful people to spend time with. and things are just well set...
however, i'm still fundamentally unsatisfied. and everything is still very much unfinished. see, there's still this tenuousness in things being in a good place but yet all still leading to things which remain unaccomplished... still all ultimately just more "potential". (although i suppose life will always be like that)... i still don't know how i'm going to reach my major goals and if this is all the right direction to lead there... but it does somehow feel close.
i have this constant undercurrent of tension in not having created and materialized the ideas i have in my head yet. but this tension, which is at times full-on pain, is eased and comforted a bit at least when i'm at least working on things. so i'm just basically glad that everything is more condusive and cohesive in that sense. and my attention is outward a lot more, which also feels better...
anyway, ok... enough for now! more, later. probably in just snippet mode... and all those photos, too... and stuff. always the "and stuff"...