for the first time in ages, i feel satiated. lately everything feels right and situated as it should be. the people i love are doing well. the food i eat tastes good. the music i hear sounds incredible. conversations are stimulating and deep. books i read contain things i've really wanted to know. colors are vivid, senses are intense, emotions are strong... and things generally feel real and crystal clear as if a layer of cotton wool has been unwrapped off of them...
and i keep discovering hidden talents and amazing things about people i know and people i meet. recently similar interests and parallel thoughts and ideas have been appearing all around. like jewels, i keep discovering potential collaborations - working on combining a friend's flash art with some music i've done, creating music for lyrics a friend wrote, doing arrangements for my dad's songs, doing a writing project with a friend, etc. - all in the last few days. i am thrilled and overwhelmed...
it's as if "the universe" has told me "yeah, right now you don't really need to experience things that are lame and that suck. here are a bunch of beautiful, very humbling, inspiring, uplifting things to bring you along."
the last few years have been filled with a lot of difficulty and struggle... but through them, i've done some very earnest searching. now perhaps this has started to turn around.
but i'm not analyzing it. i'm not taking it for granted. i just feel DAMN thankful. and i want to USE it all as i should!
i know life will still be a wild rollercoaster, but i'm so glad to be able to take these moments and feel the goodness that exists here and now...
~
tonight my dad gave me his little mini-recorder and some headphones to hear 4 songs he wrote so i can create arrangements for them. i was teary as i sat and listened to his voice and his words expressing his reflections on life, feelings about his father dying, his hopes, memories of a past love of his, etc. it made me realize what a new place i am at with my dad and really how much i love him. i remember overhearing his singing when i was 13 and joking and laughing with my brother in a sort of dismissive way. fast-forwarding through all that we've been through since then, i really see how much change has taken place. i am so glad to be able to do this with him now...
and it also made me remember how wonderful real human expression is... the raw, pure, honest voice of heartfelt emotions and ideas... that is truly aesthetic. i bask in it and i aspire to it...